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Movember for Men’s Health Awareness

They say immaculate grooming doesn’t grow on trees so Movember (formally known as the month of November) is when the shaver gets put away and the top lip is allowed to run wild with a fantastic moustache, to raise money for men’s health issues like prostate cancer and depression.

History of Movember

Movember is a yearly charity event which was started in Australia by a group of friends to raise awareness and money for men’s mental and physical health. Beginning with only 30 people involved, Movember has expanded to over 128,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas in Australia alone, and has extended throughout the world, including to New Zealand, USA, Canada, UK, Finland, the Netherlands, Spain, South Africa and Ireland.

Charities of Movember

Focusing specifically on men’s health issues, Movember money raised in Australia is shared equally between programs targeting prostate cancer through Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia and male depression, through Beyond Blue.

How to Get Involved in Movember

While raising funds by asking for donation is the main way gathering funds are achieved many people hold bake sales, car boot sales, morning teas or Mo parties that require a gold coin donation. Some choose to have a shaving party that requires a donation to ensure everyone is clean shaven for the start of Movember. Some choose to sideline themselves and act as support for the Mo-Growers and leave the immaculate grooming of fine moustachery to others – most agree that is only sporting for these people to throw a coin or two in the growers direction.

The community can get involved by donations through the Movember website where you can donate to an individual, team or as a general donation or by signing up yourself to raise funds. Both men (Mo Bros) and Women (Mo Sistas) can get involved.

The Fun of Movember

Movember is an excellent way of raising funds for such serious issues as prostate cancer and men’s depression while having fun. Around the world, gala parties are held to celebrate the end of Movember and the money raised for depression and cancer. Friendly Mo competitions are held between friends.

There are also official Movember competitions and prizes based on individual Mo Bros and Mo Sistas who raise the most amount of money, as well as team based goal. Competitions are also held at the Gala party for best Mo Bro and Mo Sista costume, The Man of Movember with the best Mo, the The Lame Mo for the worst one as well as The Ultimate Mo for the Mo that is judged best at the gala event.

For Top Mo Tips visit The Lodge on the Movember website.

Overall, all Movember is a fun event to be involved with that raises awareness for very serious men’s health issues.

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Fish Oil Is What Men Need

fish oil

Perhaps it’s because men eat more red meat than fish that they are usually deficient in omega-3 fish oil. Omega-3 is one of the good oil found in food. Not all fats and oils are bad and omega-3 is a proof of this. Omega-3 fish oil, unlike fats found in meat, is very beneficial to all. Men need omega-3 fish oil to prevent and to cure prostatitis. This disease causes an inflammation in the prostate glands making urination of men painful. With this evidence men should be encouraged to eat fish. Omega-3 found in fish will not only help combat prostatitis but it will also help men against other types of inflammation and other diseases. The older men get the more that they will need omega-3 fish oil. But men should also start eating right at a young age. They should start eating omega-3 rich food to get a complete their diet and maintain their health and fitness even as they get older.

Some men however, are just not into fish. And they would need their supply of omega-3 if they want to maintain good health and remain fit. Omega-3 oil supplements are among the men’s health products available now in the market. They are relatively safe to take so men can take advantage of the benefits this health supplement does provide. In fact, it is not only useful to men but to women as well. Omega-3 is known to prevent breast cancer and postpartum depressions which women suffer. But pregnant women are advised to consult their doctors to make sure it is safe for them. And although it does not happen too often, some can also have allergic reactions to these omega-3 supplements especially if they are allergic to fishes. It would be safer if they consult their doctors first before taking them for the first time. If omega-3 capsules are not agreeable to them there are other alternatives as well. There’s flax seed oil and omega-3 enriched eggs.

Again, men need omega-3 in their daily diet. If they are not fish lovers there is another way to take it. They don’t have to force themselves to like fish. They need omega-3 to fight prostatitis. If they want to get rid of the pain they experience brought about by prostatitis, they need to take omega-3 fish oil supplements. They can easily get it from drugstores and online sources. You don’t even need a prescription for this. It’s easy to obtain and so it’s actually easy to avoid prostatitis and stay healthy.

Like any other supplement, consulting the doctor before taking it is a very good idea especially for men who have allergies. If men want to maintain good health and want to remain fit, they need to get rid of prostatitis. And so they will need omega-3 fish oil. Not all fats and not all oils are bad for men’s health. They need to know the good ones and avoid the bad ones. Doing so will not only help them prevent prostatitis, they will always be in tiptop shape even as they grow older.

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The Straw Man of Masculinity

Men, in short, reflect the full range of human potential.  They are fully human in their vices, and in their virtues.

As men, we all face one thing in common.  Maintaining our dignity, as men, in the face of the straw man of masculinity. Let me explain.

Men, we are told, are cruel, warmongering, insensitive, disrespectful towards women and children.  Men cannot be trusted, are sex man, and finally, all men are rapists.

This version of masculinity, of course, is a straw man.  Yes some men, some of the time, can be like this.  The assumption though, is that all men are like this, all of the time.

From a psychological point of view, what is going on here is a core belief.  A core belief about men.  It is a view of the world, which may or may not touch base with reality.

We all have core beliefs.  Some of us feel we are ugly, or that we are bad in social situations, or that life is a struggle.  They shape the flavor of the world we experience through are senses.

Indeed, a core belief acts as a signpost for sense perception.  If we expect people to treat us as ugly, we look for their revulsion.  If we believe we are bad in social situations, we look for evidence of our ineptness.  If we believe life is a struggle, we disproportionately pay attention to the times when things are hard.

By directing our enquiry of the world, core beliefs work to reinforce themselves as ongoing fact.

In the case of the straw man of masculinity, we are caught in something more profound than an idiosyncratic unhelpful core belief.  We are faced with a society wide held belief.  A social delusion.  An institutionalized misperception and misunderstanding of reality.

This view is particularly unhelpful for men in caring roles.  Men as nurses, child care providers, social workers and therapists often rub up against the straw man most acutely.

In the face of our caring, our trustworthiness and our kindness we are treated as if we are uncaring, untrustworthy and unkind.  It is as if we are invisible.  And in a sense we are.  The other person’s attention bias means our good qualities are simply unseen.

I sometimes see this in my ongoing training in my therapeutic work.  Often I am the only man in the group, and I am subtly, left holding the straw man of masculinity.  Whatever I do to demonstrate my own qualities and failings, I am treated as if I were the straw man. Hopelessly entangled in other peoples projections.

What choices do I have in this situation?  One solution is to become a male apologist to feminism.  Go native, and be even more feminist than the feminists.  The other is to be myself, especially when I look “straw man-ish”.

The former trades authenticity for approval, the latter courts rejection for authenticity.

What we cannot do, at least on our own, is take on the straw man.  In life, the only thing we can effectively change is ourselves.  Other people’s delusions are for them to sort out.  But we should not fail to recognize them for what they are, delusions, and we need not get too entangled within them.

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Book Review: Buddha’s Brain By Rick Hanson And Richard Mendius

If you are like me, you will be pretty suspicious of anything that sounds a bit cranky. Primal scream therapy, rebirthing and neuro linguistic programming all fall into that camp for me. But what about meditation?

Over the last decade what is interesting has been the way evidence-based therapies have taken meditation on board. It is as if no self-respecting new treatment approach can afford to ignore it. There is good reason for this; the evidence shows meditation is really helpful in conditions as diverse as borderline personality disorder to depression, and anxiety to chronic pain.

What most of these treatment approaches do, of course, is separate meditation from its Buddhist cultural heritage. It is as if by dropping the ‘religion’, it makes meditation more palatable to the Western practitioner/client. Although this is understandable, in a way it’s a shame. Buddhism’s raison d’être is the alleviation of human suffering, and has developed sophisticated psychological models of how to do just that.

What is great about this book is that Hanson and Mendius don’t drop the Buddhist heritage of meditation. Neither do they drop the scientific method. In fact Hanson and Mendius are deeply immersed in brain science, Rick Hanson as a neuropsychologist, and Richard Mendius as a neurologist. They draw on their scientific understanding of the brain to integrate Western science with Buddhist psychology.

This book isn’t a hard read though. The authors skilfully explain the intricate workings of the brain in straightforward language. If you are interested in the relationship between brain science and Buddhism and meditation, but don’t want something too taxing, this is the primer for you.

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Mothers Who Punish Fathers.

Fiona Donnison was jailed for 32 years earlier this month for the murder of her two children. Harry, aged three, and Elise, aged two, were smothered in bedding and their bodies were found in holdalls in the boot of Donnison’s car.
Fiona Donnison
Why would a mother kill her own children? From Court it appears that it was a brutal act of revenge by Donnison against the children’s father, Paul Donnison her ex-partner. Murder, of course, is a cruel and heartless act. But there are many women who punished the father of their children with lesser acts of cruelty, such as needless Court action, inflating maintenance awards, and, of course, trying to deny the father access to his children.

A relationship breakdown is a very painful time of life and emotions often run high. When a woman uses the children as a way to punish the father, men can often feel powerless. The courts can be of no help to men in these circumstances, as the presumption is that the best thing for the children is doing what the mother wants. Men can feel desperate about their plight, even suicidal.

Even if custody is arranged, some women try to punish the father by “poisoning” the children’s minds against him. This can be extremely difficult for young minds to understand. The child loves both mommy and daddy, and to hear such character assassinations can be deeply unsettling for them.

I have heard many men talk about the pain of separation from their children, and helped them to make sense of the character assassinations they have had to endure. There is no easy way to resolve this situation. For the sake of the children though, it is important not to retaliate, however much you are provoked. The children need at least one of their parents to remain steady. Simply acknowledge and reframe her behaviour as “mommy still being angry”. Let the children know how much you still love them, and that you always want to be there for them. In this way you will become a rock of stability in their chaotic world.

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Feral Britain – Challenging The Normal Natural Order?

Last night I set out for Rusholme for a drink and a curry with a mate. When we met at the pub we were turned away. The venue was shutting down in anticipation that the riots were moving in our direction. I felt profoundly disturbed. We found another pub that was remaining open. There were very few customers, but I did talk to one man who had been caught in the city centre violence unable to escape for three hours. I had heard enough. I walked home to the scene of emergency vehicles roaming the streets, lights flashing, and busloads of police officers being driven around the city.

Of course my experience is not unusual. The riots that have swept the country have caught millions in their repercussions. There is a palpable sense of unease running throughout our urban centres. The fact that government and the police are themselves behind the curve simply feeds our insecurity. We looked to authority to give a lead, and our helplessness is compounded when we see them reduced, like ourselves, to bystanders.

How should we make sense of our feelings? One way of looking at this is to understand that we construct a social world in which there is a “normal natural order”. Through our life’s experience, we form a view of how the world works. This is not just a description of the social world, it is also a moral prescription. We expect the world to work in a certain way, and hold the world morally accountable if it does not conform to our expectations.

The normal natural order permeates everything that we do. For example we expect that people die at the end of their natural lives. When an individual dies tragically young, we feel aggrieved, and struggle to make sense of the death. The death of a young person challenges the normal natural order. It is a moral dislocation of our social compass.

When it comes to rioting, I would suggest, we also have a normal natural order. Civil disorder ensues when there is political anger, and that anger is projected onto our symbols of authority, not least the police. The race riots of the 1980s, the poll tax riots, and the G8 riots all fall into this category. So does the civil unrest that is sweeping the Moslem world. Such civil unrest may be distressing for those caught up in it, but it doesn’t threaten our understanding of the kind of world we live in.

What we have experienced in feral Britain over the last few days breaks with the normal natural order. We have seen a different kind of riot. It is rioting for the sake of criminality. The rioters are focused on looting and dodge, rather than confront the authorities. It is little wonder police tactics are behind the curve.

In challenging the normal natural order, feral Britain is also deeply and profoundly disturbing. Like a young death, we are left trying to make sense of what is going on. Why do so many of our fellow citizens feel that this is an acceptable way to behave? For how long can we expect this new form of civil unrest to go on? What does this mean for the future of our society?

Disjuncts to the normal natural order are deeply unsettling. Until a new consensus emerges that makes sense of the events we are living through, we can expect to remain unsettled. But that new consensus will emerge, and when it does, our faith in the predictability of the social order will be restored. With it, our sense of security will also return. But it will take time.

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Feckless Fathers … the Reality

I’ve watched with concern over the past year as a new phrase has emerged in the cultural zeitgeist … the “feckless father”. As a term, of course, it’s surely one of abuse. What man would welcome being described as “feckless”? But I detect a cultural double standard in the way it is used.

Of course we should all be concerned about children raised without a father. Such children are more likely to fail at school, engage in criminality, be the victims of sexual abuse, and even join gangs. There is a time bomb of fatherless children that is not only devastating for them, but also on the future of our society. Kids need their fathers.

By using the term “feckless fathers”, there is a very clear line being drawn. Fatherless children are created by the moral irresponsibility of men. Deciding to have and raise a child, however, is a decision of the woman. Feminism has long argued, correctly, for the “right to choose”: a woman’s right to control her own fertility. If a woman “chooses” to have eight children with eight different men, and discourage contact between the children and the father, is it not the woman who is being “feckless”?

Women can’t have it both ways. If they exercise the “right to choose”, and bring a child into either no relationship, or unstable one, they can’t then blame the man for not being there. My point is simple: the debate about “feckless fathers” focuses on the moral culpability of absent fathers, and does not pay sufficient attention to the moral culpability of single mothers.

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The National Lottery As a Psychological ‘Escape Route’.

When I was in my 20s I fell seriously ill. Suddenly and unexpectedly I was rendered bedbound for months and unable to work for considerably longer. My world had stopped turning up on its axis, and I was fearful I would lose my job and my home.

One of the ways I coped with these events was to play the National Lottery. I had a “magic number bowl”, from which I chose the numbers each week, and an elaborate list of spending plans should I win. I even traded with God to give a proportion of my winnings to charity should He intervene on my behalf!

Of course I was very ill and very vulnerable. I quickly realised, though, that playing the lottery was only compounding my difficulties. The spending of the millions in my imagination wasted my time, and I found the weekly disappointment more than I could bear at an already difficult time. I had, however, gained an insight into the National Lottery as an “escape route”.

In therapy, we often talk about three psychological “escape routes” people think about taking. The first is to go mad. The second is to kill someone. The third is to kill oneself. The thing that unites these three areas with the National Lottery is they all become an increasingly cumbersome fantasy about how, if we simply went mad/killed someone/killed myself/won the lottery … all our problems would go away. Life is never this straightforward. Besides, the fantasy itself often becomes the problem.

The person for whom I saw this most completely was a young man who was on benefits and worked as a male escort to significantly boost his income. He spent all the money he earned on the National Lottery, often hundreds of pounds a week. He did this despite living in a flat with no carpets, and little by way of furniture. For this man, the fantasy of the millionaire lifestyle had completely taken over his life. Instead of equipping himself to compete effectively in the real world, he spent his time selling sex and buying lottery tickets to support his fantasy world.

Of course we can all view the absurdity of this man’s choices. In extremis the National Lottery fantasy obscures and suffocates life, it doesn’t enhance it. However much time you invest in the National Lottery big win fantasy, my challenge to you is that it does the same to your life as it did to this man’s. It ultimately serves as a psychological escape route, and stops you from dealing with the reality of your life more effectively.

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Book Review: Authentic Happiness By Martin E.P. Seligman

You might have thought that being a psychotherapist I would have lots to say about being happy.  This isn’t strictly true though.  Therapists, if I were to be precise, know a lot about unhappiness.  Theories abound explaining our depressions, anxieties, and problems in living.  We don’t have a particularly good grasp of happiness, which is kind of strange since this is what most of our clients are searching for.

Martin Seligman is an unusual psychologist in that he has devoted his career to researching happiness.  His book, ‘Authentic Happiness’, promises to reveal what makes a person happy and is packed with interesting research to back up his point of view.

At heart, Seligman resuscitates the idea of ‘virtue’.  If this sounds a little old fashioned then it is.  The ancient Greeks were the first to suggest that virtue was the basis of a good life, and they go back over 2000 years!

The trouble with ‘virtue’ or ‘good character’, from a psychologist’s point of view, is in the ‘operational definition’.  That is to say how to define and measure it.  After all, if you can’t define and measure virtue, then you can’t conduct research to find out if it does indeed matter.

Seligman attempt to solve this problem was to first search for virtues that all societies have in common.  He came up with the following list:

– Wisdom and knowledge.

– Courage.

– Love and humanity.

– Justice.

– Temperance.

– Spirituality and transcendence.

As an act of scholarship this is an extremely valuable list.  What Seligman does next with the list of virtues is to further refine them into a list of 24 ‘signature strengths’.  The key to happiness, for Seligman, is to work out what your signature strengths are, and find work, play and family life that let you practice them often.  To help you do this, and rate your progress towards achieving happiness, Seligman offers the reader numerous questionnaires.  If you visit the Authentic Happiness Website you can even fill them in online.  Registration is free and offers you averaged information about other people’s scores too which is fun.

This book offers more than just this theory.  The book also provides a valuable analysis of how to find happiness in your past, present and future.  Perhaps sobering for a talking therapist, Seligman argues that understanding your past is not the key to being happy about it. Rather Seligman suggests we should cultivate gratitude for the people who have helped us, and forgive the people who have hurt us.  It is in the gratitude and the forgiving that we come to remember the past as happy.  For me, this was the most valuable lesson I learnt from the book.

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The Politics Of Julian Assange.

As we come to the end of another year, I was reflecting on which man has had the most significant impact on society.  I think history will show it will be Julian Assange, the slightly eccentric Australian journalist and founder of the web site Wikileaks.  He has, of course, hit the world’s headlines recently for publishing secret communications from the US State department and alleging a politically motivated extradition to Sweden on sex offence charges.

Assange’s impact will not be remembered by the legal battle he is currently fighting but by his philosophy of political activism that he espouses.  Of course the sensational journalism that reports his legal problems usually fails to draw our attention to this so here it is, albeit in a highly truncated form:

1. The political / economic system undermines the well-being of the majority of people by protecting the interests of a small minority of the elite.  Nothing unusual of course in this idea.

2. The elite maintain their power by hiding their motives from the majority of people so they cannot be held up to rational scrutiny.  Again, nothing unusual in this idea too.

3.  Assange then uses the term ‘conspiracy’ to describe the pattern of secret communications that pass between members of the elite.  These aren’t the grand conspiracy theories of 911 or covering up alien abductions, but the small ‘conspiracies’ of keeping the majority naïve to the motives and dealings of the elite.

4.  Assange then uses a computational / network inspired view of the combined activity of the ruling elite as behaving like an organism.  ‘Conspiracies’ are maintained by the elite through the patterns of communication of the individual members, rather than being ‘led’ by say a particular person.  An assassination may knock out a key member of the conspiracy, but the conspiracy, because it is distributed through a network, will remain intact.

5.  In order to function effectively, the members of the elite need to communicate freely and in secret.  If this ability is compromised, say by leaks of confidential ambassadorial correspondence, the ‘conspiring’ elite will be forced to retrench.  Individuals will not be able to communicate as effectively, and mistrust between members of the elite, say between ambassadors and leaders of countries, will grow.

6.  A retrenched ‘conspiring’ elite will be unable to gain timely and effective intelligence of the environment in which it is working.  Its ability to operate as a conspiracy will consequently be degraded.

7.  Repressive, authoritarian regimes need to be the most conspiratorial in order to function effectively, and are therefore the most vulnerable to attack by systematic leaks of confidential material.  Benign regimes, however, have the least to fear from transparency.

In a nutshell, Assange aims to bring about benign governance by making it increasingly difficult for repressive regimes to function.  The ‘leaks’ that have created headlines around the world, are not meant to cause damage in themselves (although they no doubt will) but to achieve the broader aim of causing the conspiratorial elite to retrench and degrade their effectiveness.

For the state and big business, this is its ‘Napster moment’.  Once internet users found a way to share perfect copies of music, the old business model of the record companies was over and there was nothing they could do about it.  After Assange, the same is true of the workings of the state.  Like the record companies before it, the ruling elite must adapt or die.

Assange offers us an ingenious theory of political progress in the internet age, and right or wrong, I can perfectly understand why he has upset so many powerful people.  After Assange, however, the way people conceive of political activism has been changed forever.

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