Q. My husband and I are both 28. We were both virgins when we married three years ago. He has always experienced delayed ejaculation even after prolonged foreplay and intercourse, which has frustrated him. Recently, I have been giving him “hand jobs” with startling results — instead of the usual one or two teaspoonfuls of ejaculate, copious amounts of a translucent liquid come out, and I am also able to give him multiple ejaculations. This surprise discharge ONLY occurs after prolonged lovemaking, followed by my hand job with lubricant. However, my husband is worried that he’s urinating on me during these awesome orgasms, and this has tempered his enjoyment. I say he’s ejaculating semen, but he says he has trouble believing this because of the great volume of discharge. Could you please calm his fears? These genital massages are a delicious tool in our lovemaking.
A. I can assure you men do not urinate during orgasms. Neurologically, the pathways for urination and ejaculation are different. The nerves that control ejaculation cause the bladder to relax and the bladder outlet (bladder neck) to stay closed. Therefore men do not have to worry about urinating while they have an erection — physiologically it is not possible.
Commonly couples have this concern about the pre-ejaculate fluid, which is clear and watery. It usually precedes the orgasm and semen ejaculation. Normally a man produces varying amounts of this fluid from secretions in the seminal vesicles and periurethral glands. This is normal, and it may contain sperm. During the ejaculation itself, about 3-5 milliliters (about a teaspoon) of semen is projected.
Large amounts of ejaculate can be collected from men depending on the nature of the orgasm. The natural process might occur as follows. First, there is stimulation of the erect penis, which starts production and secretion of fluid from the periurethral glands and prostate. This fluid accumulates in the prostatic urethra, which can hold up to 75 milliliters (15 teaspoons) of this fluid. Only a small amount of the fluid leaks out before the man reaches orgasm. The amount of fluid produced depends on the amount of stimulation and the time to orgasm. For instance, most men reach climax in 90 seconds, so only a small amount is produced. However, when there is prolonged intense stimulation, there is prolonged secretion. Then, when the man reaches climax and all the fluid is ejected out of the prostate and seminal vesicles, there can be large amounts of watery ejaculate.
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