No Ejaculation with Intercourse

Q. My husband does not ejaculate when we have intercourse. He says he starts to feel it, but then the feeling disappears. He does ejaculate with manual stimulation. He has no problem obtaining and maintaining an erection. What do you think?

A. Your situation is not uncommon, and I can assure you there is nothing wrong with you or your husband. In general, ejaculation and orgasm are learned responses. This means that the body gets used to certain types of stimulation required for climax. So, if his penis is used to getting manual stimulation, that’s what he is going to respond to.

Often, it’s easy to overlook little things that can change sensitivity. Consider adding a lubricant or changing the one you use. If you use condoms, you may want to switch brands or change to another contraceptive method. You might try adding manual stimulation during vaginal penetration to provide the stimulation he requires. Most important, please don’t feel as if you are not satisfying him. Satisfaction comes from having the intimacy, not from the ejaculation itself.

Some men have decreased sensitivity in their genitals and difficulty with ejaculation as an early sign of diabetes. I mention this because everyone should have tests for diabetes as part of their regular checkups.