Bullying is not “just a phase.” In my work with men, I often hear how school-age bullying quietly echoes into adulthood. Many carry a protective worldview—people can’t be trusted—that once kept a boy safe but now traps the man in isolation and hyper-vigilance. Painfully, this guarded stance can also attract workplace bullies who sense withdrawal or uncertainty.
When the Wound Turns Outward
Another complication I see is the cycle of harm: some men who were bullied later find themselves bullying others. Facing the full extent of one’s own hurt often means also acknowledging the hurt we’ve caused. That honesty is tough—and it’s the beginning of change.
What Research Suggests
Large studies indicate that being bullied in childhood is linked to a higher risk of later mental-health difficulties, including anxiety, depression, and—in a small subset—psychotic-like experiences (for example, hearing voices or feeling intensely targeted). The relationship appears “dose-responsive”: more frequent or severe bullying predicts greater later risk. In short, these experiences are far from trivial and can shape adult wellbeing for years.
Why It’s So Hard to Talk About
Many men minimize or hide their history of being bullied. They often blame themselves: If I’d been stronger, it wouldn’t have happened. That belief can calcify into lifelong shame and avoidance. Naming what happened—accurately and without self-attack—is a powerful first step.
Signs You May Be Carrying Long-Term Effects
- Persistent mistrust, especially in groups or hierarchies
- People-pleasing or, conversely, sudden anger and control
- Avoiding visibility (promotions, presentations, dating)
- Body symptoms under stress (sleep issues, gut tension, headaches)
What Helps (Evidence-Informed Options)
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT can loosen fear-driven beliefs (“If I speak up, I’ll be humiliated”) and build confident behaviours. If you’re curious about whether CBT fits a biological view of distress, see Can Cbt Help ‘Biological’ Depression?
Mindfulness & self-regulation. Training attention reduces reactivity and increases a sense of safety in the body—useful for old bullying triggers. You might start with our primer How To Meditate – a Simple Meditation Technique or read further in More Positive Evidence On Mindfulness.
Whole-life foundations. Movement, sleep, and social connection buffer stress chemistry and support recovery from chronic vigilance. For a broader tune-up, explore Active Body, Healthy Mind.
Workplace boundaries. Document incidents, name behaviours (not motives), and involve HR or a trusted leader early. Coaching or therapy can help you rehearse language and posture so you don’t default to shutdown or counter-attack.
Peer support. Men’s groups or trauma-informed circles let you practice being seen without being shamed. Replacing isolation with safe connection is corrective.
When to Seek Extra Help
If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, escalating substance use, or symptoms like hearing voices or believing you’re being monitored, please seek professional help promptly. A good starting point for information and prevention resources is the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) bullying prevention page. Local healthcare services, crisis lines, or your GP can guide immediate support.
The Bottom Line
Bullying can shape a man’s nervous system, beliefs, and relationships—but it doesn’t have to define his future. With the right mix of skills (thinking, feeling, and body-based), support, and boundaries, it’s possible to loosen old fear loops and build a steadier, more connected life.