The first weeks after the Christmas holidays are historically when solicitors issue the most divorce proceedings. With financial stressors such as a credit squeeze, relationship strain can intensify. Money worries don’t just affect bank balances—they erode trust, safety and time together. If debt or budgeting tension is part of your story, it can help to understand the psychology behind money stress and bring it into the open as “us vs. the problem,” not “me vs. you.”
Two myths to drop right now
Myth 1: “Marriage is only about love.” Love matters—but marriage is also about commitment, honour and daily acts of care. Feelings ebb and flow; creating the conditions for warmth helps love return. You may not feel in love today, but you can grow back into it.
Myth 2: “Couples split because they fight.” Research from the Gottman Institute shows that persistent emotional distance—not the presence of conflict—best predicts divorce. All couples argue; the difference is whether you keep turning toward each other and repair.
Rebuild emotional intimacy: practical steps
- Plan time to talk (and listen). If conversations spiral, try a 10-minute “back-to-back” reset: sit back to back; Partner A speaks for five minutes while Partner B only listens, then switch. Feeling heard is the bedrock of closeness.
- Calm first, connect second. When emotions run hot, take a 10–20 minute physiological break, then return. Many couples find a brief calming routine—like this simple meditation technique—helps you show up softer and more receptive.
- Re-introduce romance. Thoughtful notes, small surprises, and intentional affection reignite safety and warmth. Romance isn’t a prelude to sex; it’s a language of appreciation.
- Schedule a weekly date. Novelty boosts bonding. Dress up, try a new café, take a class—anything that nudges you out of autopilot and back into curiosity.
- Quit the porn if it crowds out intimacy. Porn can fuel comparison and distance. If stepping back is hard, you may be contending with compulsive patterns—see our overview of sex addiction and consider getting targeted support.
- Find (or revive) a shared interest. Shared fun creates fresh positive memories—the emotional glue that helps you weather future storms.
- Offer daily bids for connection. A quick text, a hug in the kitchen, a genuine “How was your day?” Signals like these are micro-investments that compound into trust.
- See a relationship counsellor early. An outside perspective accelerates repair and gives you tools for conflict, communication and closeness. Men, especially, may hesitate—but often gain the most from structured support.
Bottom line
Hearts don’t break overnight—and they don’t heal that way either. Drop the myths, reduce emotional distance, and stack small, consistent gestures of care. With intention and a few reliable tools, many couples can find their way back to each other.