Q. I have been with six different partners in two years since I lost my virginity, but I have only orgasmed for the first girl. What’s wrong with me? I can orgasm by masturbating, but when I get in the bedroom with a girl, I never can achieve an orgasm. This keeps frustrating girlfriends, and my relationships go down the drain. How can I overcome this? I’m with a girl right now I really like, and even after just one time, she’s already frustrated because I made her orgasm but she didn’t make me.
A. You can achieve orgasm when you are alone, so there is nothing physically preventing you from getting to that point. The problem you are experiencing is a common one. In order to experience orgasm, a man must be able to relax to a certain degree. Tension and worry are not conducive to orgasm. You are obviously concerned about this problem, and your fear of not being able to have an orgasm is actually worsening the problem.
You will be able to overcome this problem, but it will take the assistance of an understanding partner. Try involving your partner actively in this. Take things in a slow, step-by-step manner. You can learn relaxation techniques to help deal with your anxiety. Understand that this is a common problem. If you and your partner cannot overcome it yourselves, a sex therapist or psychologist can train you in techniques that will help.