“Happiness is an imaginary condition formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and children to adults.”
—Thomas Szasz, cited in The Quotable Spirit (1986)
In therapy, many people arrive because—one way or another—they feel unhappy. When asked what they want from therapy, the answer is often, “to be happy.” Yet Szasz’s quip captures a tricky truth: happiness is slippery. Rarely can we point to the present moment and declare, “I am happy,” full stop. More often we look back and label a period as “a happy time,” only to remember it also contained frustration, loss, boredom, or worry.
Why Happiness Feels Elusive
We’re taught to treat happiness as a destination—a final state achieved once anxiety, sadness, and disappointment are gone. Measured against that ideal, the present always seems lacking, so we outsource happiness to other people or other times. But our lived experience is mixed: joy and grief, pride and doubt, tenderness and irritation often arrive together. Waiting for only “pleasant” emotions before we allow a good life keeps moving the goalposts.
A More Useful Framing
Think of happiness less as a place you reach and more as a way you travel: a practice of relating to your experience with curiosity, values, and skill. We don’t stop having difficult feelings; we get better at holding them without being drowned by them. Practical tools help here—brief meditation, exercise for mood, and everyday attention training—not to erase discomfort, but to widen the space around it.
Simple Practices That Help
- Train attention: A short daily practice improves emotional clarity and steadiness. Try this step-by-step meditation technique.
- Move your body: Physical activity is a reliable mood booster and stress buffer; see Active Body, Healthy Mind for how exercise supports mental wellbeing.
- Build evidence, not myths: Brief, realistic habits typically beat grand resolutions. For more science-backed angles on cultivating positive states, see Meditation Makes You Happy!.
Accepting the Whole Weather
Acceptance isn’t resignation; it’s contact with what’s here so we can respond wisely. When we allow anxiety, sadness, or anger to be present—without suppressing or dramatizing—we make room for meaning, connection, and yes, moments of joy. Happiness, then, is something we do in the middle of life’s mixed weather, not a prize we collect once the clouds have cleared.
Authoritative Resource
For an evidence-based overview of practices that support wellbeing, see the American Psychological Association’s page on positive psychology.