Tag Archive for anxiety

Are You One Of The 6 In 10?

As a blogger on men’s mental health, I’m often struck by the difficulty some men find admitting they have a problem they can’t resolve themselves.  I think some of this is cultural.  As a society we don’t treat mental health as seriously as we should.  The NHS services for mental health are often seen as the Cinderella services, receiving the least funding and overwhelming demand.    I think it’s also something about men.  Our instinct when faced with an emotional crisis is to retire to the ‘garden shed’ and try and work it out for ourselves.  But we can’t always do it on our own.
mental health
Mental health problems affect the majority of us at some point in our lives.  A recent survey by the mental health charity Together found that 6 out of 10 Britain’s have had a period of their life when  they have found it difficult to cope mentally.  70% had suffered from stress, 59% had suffered from anxiety, and 55% from depression.

As a professional I know that it is much easier to treat disorders like stress, anxiety and depression if men present early.  All too often men present after years of suffering, which makes treatment longer, more complicated and more expensive.

Men who present early make the quickest recovery.  What’s more, the mental health skills they learn mean they are better able to cope with future problems much more effectively.  Modern treatments for things like stress, anxiety and depression are not just about helping with the current problem, but teach the skills and knowledge you need to prevent it from happening again.  I’m struck by the number of men that say to me ‘why wasn’t I taught this before’, or ‘everybody should know about this’.

My advice if you are finding it difficult to cope right now is get the right advice early.  What you learn may mean the next time you go to the garden shed to reflect on a problem, you have the right tools to know what to do with it.

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Social Anxiety Often Co-morbid With Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is a difficult subject for many men, and there are many approaches to helping sufferers. Medical solutions include prescribing antidepressant drugs with a known side effect of retarding ejaculation. Physical solutions include building core stability to enhance ejaculatory control. Psychological solutions involve retraining the mind to pay attention to the dick resulting in a more mindful understanding of the sexual arousal cycle.
premature ejaculation
What I find interesting about most of the self help books on premature ejaculation, and indeed, therapy manuals for psychotherapists, is that they invariably presume the participation of a partner to help with the therapeutic process. Given that premature ejaculation often starts in the teenage years, what I find is that many of the men I see haven’t got partners. They avoid sex, and therefore relationships, because it is too painful to face the ‘humiliation’ of coming too soon.

What I find with single men with premature ejaculation, is there is not just a problem of ejaculatory control that needs to be addressed in therapy, but also the patterns of social behaviour, thoughts and feeling that the person has built up around their lack of ejaculatory control. For some men they even meet the diagnostic criteria for social phobia for sexual situations.

For these men, helping with ejaculatory control is just the start. We also need to unlearn a lifetime of anxiety and fear around sex. At the heart of social anxiety is a fear of social humiliation. In the case of premature ejaculators, it is the humiliation of coming too soon, and the feared negative appraisal of that event by the sexual partner. The trouble is, the self help books don’t tell you how to do that. The result is that a guy can have ‘the facts’ about solving his premature ejaculation, but is too scared to put them into practice.

If you are a premature ejaculator and this all makes sense to you, why not try reading up on social phobia and apply it to your history of sexual behaviour. I can recommend Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques by Gillian Butler.

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